August 3rd. Oops. I guess it’s been a while! I can’t even blame my webpage either because I haven’t been updating on that either! I’ve just been super busy happily living my summer life! I went on an awesome vacation to the Midwest (Milwaukee, Minneapolis, and Chicago) and made it to a Twins game, Cubs game, an Incubus concert and my cousin’s bridal shower. It was an eventful trip full of all sorts of awesome foods and awesome people. I actually get to go back again in like three weeks!
Anyway, the point of tonight’s blog was re-inspired to me the other night while going to babysit for these two little boys. I’ve been wanting to write about the mean things that people have said to me in the past regarding my weight to finally own them and maybe their piercing effect they have on me still will start to go away. It’s just crazy because some of this shit happened like fifteen years ago but yet I still dwell on it. Lame, huh? But certain things you just never forget.
I showed up to the house I was babysitting for last week to the Mother in the garage… basically the first thing she mentions to me is “I shouldn’t even tell you this but I just had to…” and as soon as she said that I knew it was going to be something I didn’t want to hear. She proceeded to tell me that before I had arrived she was trying to get the kids psyched up for my arrival by pretending “to be me” by walking in the door and saying hello with a big smile. Then the four year old said to her “Mommy, you are like April!” so the Mother asks why and he responds it was because both the Mother and I have “big tummies”.
So that’s nice. The kid automatically associates me with a big tummy. What sucks though for the Mother is that I wouldn’t even say she had a big tummy! I don’t even think she would qualify as chunky! But anyway, so this kid has called me fat a few times before and I’ve had to shrug it off the best I could. The thing about kids saying shit like that though is that they probably don’t intentionally say it to be mean (unless they’re being brats) but sadly… kids do tend to be damn honest when it comes to appearances. Anyone who has ever been around a bold young child and someone with some sort of difference in their appearance may have had to deal with that horrid moment of the kid saying “Mommy, why does that lady have a giant brown dot across her cheek” or the “Daddy, why is that man so round?”. God, I hate it when that happens. I always just say that people are all different and come in all different shapes and styles.
Children have also aided my self esteem by questioning my upcoming baby (when I wasn’t pregnant). That’s happened A LOT actually. It’s no surprise though because generally there is always at least three women pregnant at the school’s I’ve worked in. The first year or so when I worked in the preschool system it was much harder to hear all these children calling me fat but now after years of education and experience, it’s much easier to deal with. It still bugs the fuck out of me though and is definitely inspiring to help me get the weight off. I just carried up my Hula Hoop actually so I can start doing that again.
Besides the issues with children’s honesty, I haven’t had too many hurtful words said to me over the past few years because of the 50 pounds I took off in 2005. But when I lost that weight my mind and body went through a whole whirlwind of self esteem issues. For one, it sucked to realize how SHALLOW people truly are when it comes to size. The looks and even treatment I got from people totally changed. I never was even that big, that’s what sucks! I can only imagine what losing 100+ pounds must feel like!!! I was constantly being checked out, hit on, complimented… I finally looked great in all my photos and fit into clothes that didn’t have a single X on it.
So it was great. Except for when the people would say… (keep in mind these are actual quotes)
“Oh April, you look so great *now*”
“Oh April, you look so much better!”
“April, you seriously look so much better. I mean you were cute before but now that you’ve lost the weight you’re really hot!” (and then he goes on for another two minutes talking about my weight loss and how he is willing to date me now but was hesitant before)
“Wow April, you look really pretty now that you lost weight.”
Just random things like that. Granted, they are all actually compliments but totally sliced me at the same time since apparently I wasn’t attractive before. It just really bugged me that I felt I hadn’t actually been that hideous to begin with but once that 50 pounds came off, people actually thought I was attractive now? God, fucking people! But whatever, I can be just as shallow when it comes to people’s body sizes and levels of attractions so I can’t be a hypocrite. I just don’t think it’s nice to ever say that someone looks “better now”.
I still have quite a few more memories to talk about but I think this blog has been long enough. Matt, Alyssa, Dadoo… Hope you enjoyed my sad memories because all they really are is motivation to change a body I’ve been stuck with for way too long.
MATT! HERE YOU GO!
I’M WRITING THIS JUST FOR YOU AND YOUR COMMENT ABOUT CRICKETS CHIRPING ON MY BLOG! Haha!
But no, Matt’s right. I haven’t been updating this at all and I have some good reasons why.
1) I’ve been working hard on my own webpage and there is a blog on there that I’ve updated FOUR times already. I know, so much. Haha. I also have made a Facebook page with 96 likes in 10 days! Super sweet!
2) I’ve been DATING! Ha! Since my boyfriend of two years and I broke up about two months ago, I decided that being sad wasn’t going to make my life any better so I changed my ways, joined Okcupid.com and met two awesome guys on there. Both of which seem to like me and both of which are equally awesome in their own ways. It’s only been two weeks with one of them and a week with the other so we’ll see how much shit changes over the next few weeks.
I have actually been losing weight though! I’ve lost 7 pounds! WOOOO!
7 pounds since like… 6 weeks ago probably. I’ll have to do some digging on this blog to find out how much I weighed last time.
In exactly two weeks from now I should be somewhere over Nevada on a red-eye flight to Milwaukee. From there I will venture to Minnesota and Illinois to party with my family for a week. I’m excited and MOTIVATED to drop a few more pounds by then so I don’t feel so shameful when I’m around my cousins in their bikinis and short-shorts. I’m going to try REALLY hard to not have ANY soda until then along with continuously doing 10 miles a week worth of running/walking and my hula hoop daily. I also think I’m going to finally use up those six body wraps I got offered from my bad Yelp! review I posted a while ago.
So you may wonder how I lost those 7 pounds. Well, honestly, I drank a Mexican Coke every day and basically ate what I wanted. EXCEPT I only had that ONE coke (140 calories) and I was eating like half an ACTUAL serving of whatever it was I had. Such as… only half of a 6-inch Subway sandwich when I went to Lake Sonoma… Only ONE cookie and ONE beer on that day trip as well.
I also have been eating a shit ton of beans/veggies to somewhat go by the “slow carb” diet that the Four-Hour Body taught me.
I HAVEN’T been eating fast food though I did have Taco Bell twice I think.
I HAVE been doing A LOT of walking. Last week I probably did about 8 miles.. the week before that NONE… The week before that 5 miles… The week before that 9 miles… Then the week before that was 7 miles. It seems like a lot but I aim for 3 miles each time and it only takes about 45 minutes.
I also did a 5K walk/race on Saturday! One of the guys I’m dating did it with me even! He got big brownie points for that and as I was panting along running next to him I admitted how it was the my first time ever running with a boy. It was weird! He obviously was in way better shape than I am so I felt like a total fat ass but he kept saying how pretty I am and such so that’s nice.
So there you go Matt, Alyssa and Dad. That’s what is going on in my life!!! Only took me 10 minutes too!
I do believe that I did pretty well on exercise this week!
I started the week off by jogging around the dog park with my two golden retrievers. They sadly cut my workout short though because after the second lap of .6 miles they spotted a Ford Escape like my Mother’s and made a quick dash to over the car as if to say “Fuck you April, we’re done with running. Time to go home.” I took their hint and went home.
Monday night I ran around the block a few times with the younger, more “in shape” dog. Only 20 minutes worth but still, it was something.
Tuesday I had plans to stay the night in SF with my best friend. I seriously thought about walking on the Golden Gate Bridge for a nice sunset stroll into the city but I spent too long in the beer aisle of Whole Foods deciding on which beer to buy for the night. Oops.
The next day I definitely made up for it by taking a 3 mile hike to Tennessee Beach in Mill Valley. It was a gorgeous but intense walk/run through hills to a small cove that I made happily while singing along to “Across the Universe”. It was pretty uplifting actually to be singing through the hills and I think it kept my energy up as I struggled to get up some of the bigger hills. I ended up being covered with sweat at the end of the journey but it was SO worth it.
I took Thursday off.
And then yesterday I took a 35 minute – Two miles walk/run on the hills in Novato with the baby I was babysitting. Ended up in sweat for that one too. Then in the evening I met up with my girlfriend Melody and we did another two miles around Schollenberger Park in Petaluma. I downloaded this cool program called “MiCoach” through Adidas for my phone and it tracked how far we went, calories burned, the GPS location we did… It was pretty cool! If we had been going faster than just a walk it would’ve tracked that too but oh well. Still a very cool program and I look forward to using it again.
I’m not going to work out today though, I’m freaking tired.
I also got a cool program that tracks my calories for the day and measures my activity levels and calories burned. Yesterday I supposably ate 1,825 calories but burned 3,725 calories so theoretically I lost almost half a pound yesterday. We’ll see what the scale says tomorrow!
So far today I’ve only had a big green salad, goat cheese and Caesar salad dressing and in a little while I’ll have some awesome beans and maybe some other veggies.
Looking forward to seeing how good I can be next week
I like to blame the circumstances of my past month for the reason why I totally wasn’t able to stick to the Four Hour Body plan. I had tried to stick to the no carb, no sugar, no dairy, no fruit plan but after multiple days of succeeding only to succumb to my cravings late at night I decided it was time to do something else.
So I’ve spent the past few days enjoying my last crap foods like slurpees, microwave popcorn, candy and of course COKE. I also attempted to eat some frozen Digiorno pizza which I normally LOVE, I only managed one slice though. I can’t say I enjoyed it though. I also attempted to have a Taco Bell crunchwrap supreme, another crap food that I typically LOVE. I made it through three bites before I had to put it down. I did however guzzle my Mountain Dew quickly and loved every second of it.
So while I may not have been to able to achieve weight loss through sticking to a strict diet plan, I did learn some really interesting things about my eating habits. I noticed after the first week of going without my usual shit ton of sugar that when I finally did have sugar, IT WAS AMAZING.
For example, I had a small bit of Three Twin’s Mint Confetti Ice Cream while babysitting and couldn’t help but make a happy little noise with every tiny bite I took. The kid (a 6 year old boy) quickly questioned why I was enjoying the ice cream so much and I tried to explain how that ice cream was the best damn ice cream in the world after not having any sugar for a week. This previous Thursday I bought a pint of my very own and ate the whole thing while gabbing on the phone with my best friend. The ice cream didn’t taste nearly as good this time around and the fact that I ate the whole thing rather than a very small amount made me less appreciative of its greatness.
Moral of the story: When I go without something for a while; I appreciate it much more when I have it, even if it’s only a little.
Wow, and writing that out totally reminds of what it is that’s going on in my life that makes this weight loss issue a challenge… My boyfriend Callan moved out a month ago from our room in my parent’s house where we’ve been living since April of 2010. It was never the plan for both of us to stay here for as long as we did and I do believe it would’ve made our relationship go a lot differently if we hadn’t. But what’s done is done and while I’ve been trying to bury my sorrows in candy, soda and ice cream… It’s nice to try to bury them in exercise instead. We’re “on a break” and see each other once or twice a week… tomorrow I’ll see him again for lunch so I’m excited to spend some time with him. Last week he took me to a nice restaurant right on the water in Bodega Bay, definitely the fanciest meal we’ve had out together. It was lovely and it felt cool just to have a date out together.
So tomorrow I shall embark on my next adventure of weight loss. Five years ago I lost 50 pounds from just eating whole foods in smaller portions and eating them all the time. After trying to do the Four Hour Body, I know that this way seems like a piece of cake now which is exactly what I needed. Fruit seems like it will be my new “ice cream” since I crave it so much more now. I also look forward to eating bread again, even if it is just a piece of day.
I will try to write again tomorrow with my meal plan of the week and an update of my current weight/inches!
Wish my luck!
Or else I probably wouldn’t be updating this due to the shit my sister has been giving me about not blogging! Haha.
I started this diet a week ago although I have hardly been sticking to it. For one, I didn’t actually start reading the book until this weekend.
The basic idea of it is to only eat meat, veggies, beans, and eggs six days a week to regulate your insulin and glucose levels allowing your body to burn the most amount of fat possible.
You also are allowed one “Cheat day” a week where you induldge in whatever you want in order to raise your glucose and levels when they’re starting to get too low again due to the six days of DEPRIVATION (as I would call it)
The “cheat day” is also supposed to gross you out from over eating because of simple fear of gaining back the weight you lost during the week.
I feel a lot more confident starting off tomorrow now that I’ve done some reading and I feel ultra prepared, food wise.
I’ve got a lot I can talk about on this diet but for now, this basic introduction will have to do!
Here’s a photo of one of my normal meals from last week though!
I only had two Mexican Cokes for all of last week starting at Sunday.
But I also haven’t gained any! That to me is enough reason to be proud of myself for the past month on not weighing myself. I knew I had been bad. It was my birthday. To me, the whole month of your birthday means you get to celebrate and eat or drink whatever you want! Calories don’t count!
Ha! I wish!
I felt myself ballooning up the week after my birthday (April 12) so I cut back on the eating and tried real hard to give up soda. I didn’t do so well until I started getting these horrible headaches every day at about 4pm and wicked heartburn. I decided I better do something about that and try to find what it was that was doing it to me.
For one, I discovered that the Chai tea lattes I get are one of my main culprits and I discovered it’s probably because they use a “liquid chai” that probably has high fructose corn syrup in it (one of my triggers for heartburn). I also discovered that I wasn’t drinking enough water so I’ve made a point to actually do that too.
I haven’t had a headache for a few days now and I did have some heartburn yesterday but I believe that was due to the peanut butter cup brownies my brother’s girlfriend made. I only had two so don’t give me shit!
Anyway, this week I will continue on my quest for good health. I went to yoga this morning and learned some more badass stretches that will help my body. Last week I also went to that New Living Expo I mentioned where I got this five minute “reposturing” massage/stretch and it really seemed to make my shoulders fall back closer to where they should be. (They ALWAYS feel uneven and has been that way for over ten years). The guy did a follow up call yesterday and I blew him off by saying I had to go but now I’m really thinking about doing it. My Dad has been on my case my whole life about my shitty posture so maybe if I got a nice adjustment and learned how to actually stand up straight without slouching my shoulders… I won’t end up like the Hunchback of Notredam. Plus, I think its only $85 or something like that. Seems worth it to me based on what those first five minutes did.
So that’s my week. Nothing amazing. Tonight I get to go to see the Dirty Heads since I won tickets to see Charlie Sheen on the radio but they didn’t actually have those tickets… So yay! I’ve been waiting MONTHS so I’m hapy to finally get to see them!!!
I have been looking forward to the New Living Expo in San Francisco for a few weeks now. Ever since I heard that , the woman who graciously lived in a tree for shy of three years was going to be there, I knew that I wanted to go as well. Unfortunately the speech was on Friday night and I couldn’t get tickets so I didn’t get to see her but that didn’t stop me from going to the Expo itself.
Before I left my car this afternoon to walk to the Expo, I did a last minute check on my hair that was pulled back into two little buns, similar to Princess Leia but higher up. As I smoothed out my hair I noticed something SHOCKING and here is what I wrote right after I discovered them today at 12:20 PM.
“I just found multiple gray hairs on my head while adjusting my Princess Leia hairstyle before I went into the New Living Expo. The firstthing I had to do was alert my sister and best friend Aya. Am I really growing older?
The passing of my recent 28th birthday has been pretty uplifting for me. I feel a lot of my life is startin to fall into place. Things have been working out in the strangest of ways lately.
What are these gray hairs trying to tell me? Perhaps my life is too stressful. I remember my Dad didn’t go gray until us kids were giving him constant hell and my Mom’s nagging maybe got to him too much. Maybe it’s all the work I do with kids. I know I have seen and experienced way more than the average child-less woman should. Shit. Am I going gray the same way my Dad did even though I don’t even HAVE children?
I keep telling myself to embrace it though… Even though I immediately plucked out every hair I could find. I have ALWAYS lusted for pale hair like Gwen Stafani. Maybe this is just the universe giving me what I always wanted – except naturally.”
So holy fuck right?! I have gray hair. THAT SUCKS. I definitely feel like I’m getting older now.
After the discovery I got my things ready to go when two “Candy ravers” walked by me in small backpacks, fuzzy pants, and covered in neon beaded bracelets and necklaces. It made me smile and laugh to myself as I remembered ten years ago when that once was me.
I went into the Expo feeling a little better from seeing the ravers and got myself some yummy Thai food and sat down as a communal table. Two women in their sixties came and ate with me and we talked all about life. I told them about my gray hair discovery and they laughed. One of the woman told me about how she just joined the senior center at her age of 66 and everyone there laughs and calls her a baby. She said if she was to be called a baby, I definitely should not worry about the age of my youth. It was nice to talk to these women and to see the pride they took in their lives and the excitement they had about learning and experiencing what the world has to offer.
I later on got a photo of my aura taken. I’m going to have to wait until the morning to take a photo of this pic because the lighting in my room sucks right now. But here are the colors of my aura! Super cool!!!
Pink-bright and light: Loving, tender, sensitive, sensual, artistic, affection, purity, compassion; new or revived romantic relationship. Can indicate clairaudience.
Turquoise: Relates to the immune system. Sensitive, compassionate, healer, therapist.
BLU AURA COLOR: Relates to the throat, thyroid. Cool, calm, and collected. Caring, loving, love to help others, sensitive, intuitive.
WHITE AURA COLOR: Reflects other energy. A pure state of light. Often represents a new, not yet designated energy in the aura. Spiritual, etheric and non-physical qualities, transcendent, higher dimensions. Purity and truth; angelic qualities.
So that was the highlight of my day. People kept complimenting me on my “strong aura” and were all even more quick to talk to me when they saw the photo I had taped to my shirt to keep it from getting smudged while drying. If you ever have a chance to get your aura photo taken, I definitely recommend it. It was just super cool to me!
So that’s how my weekend went. Definitely was eventful and probably a weekend I won’t ever forget thanks to the gray hairs and aura photo. <3
I just went back and re-read some of the entries I had written in spirit of my 26th year coming to an end. To no surprise, I got all emotional and now my eyes are bleary with tears of all sorts of memories.
My 27th year alive has served to me like all my past years; it was full of life lessons and new opportunities. While I may not have made significant progress in my career, living situation, vacation goals or multiple other things… I am excited for the person I have become.
I am more in touch with my inner self. I’ve been paying close attention to my own feelings and speaking up for them when they have been hurt. I don’t take shit from crap companies anymore and it’s earned me windshield wipers, body wraps, $10 cash back when I only spent $4, and a bunch of refunds. I also learned a lot about weddings since my baby sister got married last August. I learned how to plan an awesome bridal shower that women of all ages can enjoy. I learned how to just “let it go” when women didn’t share the same enthusiasm as me for her Bachelorette. I also learned the value of great people to talk to and chances are… your own parents probably would be the best people to talk to.
I’ve reconnected with old girl friends from high school and it’s been SO much fun. Last Saturday my friends Amanda, Natalie, and I all met up in Berkeley for pizza and shopping. Really it was more of “daydream shopping” since none of us could afford the crap that “The New Berkeley” has to offer (ie: 4th Street). While walking the street past Restoration Hardware and Z Gallery, I shed a few happy tear as I explained to my girl friends special us reconnecting has been to me. Even though they were my friends in high school; I feel like I’m getting to know them for the first time all over again. It’s just been great.
It is a mere 25 minutes away from April 12th now and I’m excited for it to finally be my birthday. I’m still in shock that I’m 28 but it’s alright. I know that THIS YEAR is definitely going to be a year full of APRIL.
I’m writing this blog from a super cute dolphin themed studio cottage in Ft. Bragg, California. I found the Shoreline Cottages thanks to TripAdvisor, of course it was the #1 rated place to stay up here that wasn’t $300 a night. Callan and I are staying for three nights up here and it’s been wonderful so far. He is coming down with a wicked cold but we’re dealing with it by watching our favorite show “No Reservations” with Anthony Bordain. The episodes tonight were on Chicago and Hawaii. Such a strange coincidence since the next two vacations I WANT to take happens to be to both places. I do feel a very strong need for an ultra tropical place within the next year and I think Hawaii would be just swell!!
This next year I will accomplish the following goals:
- I’ll move out of my parent’s house again! (I know they’d be stoked!!)
- I’ll get back down to my “normal weight” but hopefully WAY less than that
- I’ll finally start Monkey Island and start making profit by the end of the year
- I’ll once again have an amazing garden
- I’ll continue to study yoga and other enlightening practices!!!
- I’ll go back to school
- I’ll go back to Chicago to see my cousin Becky get married
- I’ll go to Hawaii or somewhere else hot with natural palm trees
I think that’s a pretty good list for now. I think it’s all very possible and I hope next year on this very night I look back at this and have another good happy tear session as I read it. So, cheers to my 28th year!
Here are some photos of my trip!!
So after my first class two Sundays ago I became totally inspired to continue doing it thanks to the way it made my body feel. I went to the class again this past Sunday and decided to take a 21 day yoga challenge. Check out the challenge here!
Honestly I have barely checked out the website itself but I liked the idea enough that I’ve just been doing my own routine based on what I’ve learned from my past two classes and my “Yoga for Dummies” handbook.
Now that it is day 5 in the challenge I am starting to already notice the changes in my body. I’ve been sleeping better, standing up straight more, eating better, and every time I start to do the positions themselves, I seem to be getting more flexible!
I am only a few inches away from being able to “touch my nose to my toes”, as a beautiful yoga teacher who comes to my preschool instructs. I also can do “downward dog” much easier than I could a week ago. The challenge only requires doing at least 10 minutes a day so I’ve been able to actually follow through on that for the most part. Yesterday I only managed to do a few moves right before bed but oh well, it still counts as something!
I’m excited to go on vacation next week to Ft. Bragg for my birthday where I have four days of rest, relaxation, and plenty of time to do some more yoga!
Will write again this weekend, I need to do my final blog before I turn 28! I want to reflect on how my 27th year went and what my hopes are for the 28th year of my life! I can’t believe I am going to actually be 28 and I’m still babysitting and living at home but c’est la vie!
At least I’m happy and that is definitely what is most important.